Monday, March 10, 2008

Back to black.

Allow me to go all emo kid for a moment here.

I'd like to think that now that I'm beginning to breach my late 20s. (Seriously, every time I think about that I die a little on the inside.) I'd like to believe that I've left behind the bad habits that I'd formed as a child/teenager. The truth is, as I'm beginning to realize more and more everyday, that nothing could be further from the truth.

Waaaaay back in high school I discovered that I had a reputation of being somewhat of a yes girl. I'd do anything for anyone that asked. It was half out of a need to be liked by everyone, and half out of the fact that I was just that damn nice. Some of my very best friends in the world made it their mission to make sure that I didn't leave that city as nothing less than an assertive girl who would stand up for herself, and they accomplished that task nicely. I spent the next several years as the kind of girl who wouldn't take any shit from anyone, and who always got what she wanted.

I'm beginning to realize that in the past few months, I'm reverting to the behavior that I hated about myself before. Elevated levels of stress tend to lead to me being quiet and agreeable, because I'm too caught up in my own thoughts to add any more conflict to the mix over anything to allowing myself to be called into work on days I'd much rather spend in bed, to allowing men who make me feel terrible about myself continue to do so. Its a slippery, dangerous slope for me and I hate that I'm allowing it to go on like this. The problem is that there's so much going on in my life right now and I'm really not quite sure where to begin to fix it.


...This is turning into a very depressing entry,'s a picture of a unicorn and a rainbow. Wheee!

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