Intoxication

Sorry kids, I can honestly say this isn't gonna be a drunk blog. It is, however, a fatigue blog. I am sitting here typing to you a day after having an 18 hour work day 4.5 hours sleep then another 8 hour work day and then a voyage to Atlantic City for shopping and eating and I drove down there and back (it's about 45 mins). I know there have been all kinds of studies about how driving tired is as bad as driving drunk and because I am an insane night owl and have spent many a nights going up and down the NJ Turnpike, I always poo poo'd stuff like that. It had never been an issue for me...til tonight. Not only driving but straight up functioning has been an issue for the later half of the day for me. I feel like I'm seeing things and my perception is off and all. I think I'm realizing what it comes down to is really the fact that I am not only sleep deprived but I'm emotionally drained.

This job I have...the day job that really only pays the bills, it's been sucking me dry lately. There once was a time when although I knew this wasn't what I wanted to do with my life, I enjoyed it. I worked with a group of amazing people and it was actually kinda fun to go there. Now, I work from home and though there are some benefits to that, it is starting to get more on the sucky side because I'm a person who craves social interaction. Anyways, I digress. Last week, there was an issue where someone at work called me out and questioned my quality of work. Yeah, so it rocked me cause although I hate this work, I know I do it damn well...like better than many of the people I deal with on a daily basis good. There's proof of it and the person calling me out has seen the proof of it. Then, last night I get called just as I was to go out for the night and it ended up being 10 hours straight of this very thing that has been draining me more and more as of late. And I'm just tired...physically, emotionally and what ever other -ly you can think of that fits.

I think a chunk of it has to do with the fact that I'm not feeling fulfilled in the thought that I'm pursuing my other goals the way I should be. Since the "break-up" with the band over a year ago, it's been a long road to trying to stay motivated. I know my motivation comes and goes sometimes but this is getting ridiculous. I need ideas...so, like Maggie, I too, am experiencing a bit of a block. (Yeah, complete with things to distract me horribly. There WILL be a blog about the latest StarKrush and the TV show he's on)

That said, Maggie, yes, we need to get at this. Even if it means we need to sit down...get on the phone and just hash shit out. Ideas for both of us cause we're better than this.