Black Friday Madness!

Yeah, this really happens.

So, I'm well aware that I'm one of those bitter folks who has been in retail for too long. But the fact of the matter is, most of the year, my job is pretty fun. I work with awesome people who are like my family, and we have a pretty good time.

But the truth is - Black Friday is my least favorite day of the whole entire year. It looms over the month of November like a thick black cloud, and now that it has crept earlier and earlier and now is into Thursday, has effectively killed my Thanksgiving.

But that's okay. It's all so you, the consumer, can save a few bucks. It comes with the job, it's not going anywhere, and I've done so many I'm the go to expert for my department (arguably the most important one in the store on this holy day).

None of that makes it any easier, and it's certainly not fun. But there are a few simple things that you - the crazy deal seeking masses who ensure that this one day keeps getting more and more and more out of hand every year - can do to make this day more safe and bearable for all.

1. Don't bring your children. First of all, people die during this thing, and if you need more of a reason than that, you're already seriously disturbed enough that you should just stay home to begin with.

2. Don't show up drunk. Because if there's any day that being belligerent and difficult will get you booted out of your favorite retailer, it's this one. We generally draw the line at when you start cussing us out, fyi - and the management team is extremely lenient when it comes to us firing back on this day. If you get snippy, we're going to get snippy back. Complain all you want, and demand that we get fired - unless you're leaving with bruises, it's not happening. 

3. Stop running, pushing, and why the hell are you yelling? I've often compared that moment when the doors open to the scene in the Lion King where Mufasa gets trampled by the stampede. As people rush through the building toward the electronics counter in a sale induced frenzy, it straight up sounds like a riot. Calm down, crazy people, we all know what we're doing here. It's not like we hide the sale items from you, you have a map that tells you where you are. (Although hiding them sounds like an amazing idea and I want to try it next year.) Also, and I know this one is hard to believe - we can hear you. There's no need to scream at us when demanding to know where the digital cameras are. My ears work just fine, thanks.


4. Do not, under any circumstances, call the store.  Any phone call that occurs during the first four hours of Black Friday madness, will either go largely ignored, or will be answered with the shortest, best guess of an answer possible. The fact of the matter is this - everything is so chaotic that we rarely actually know what we have left in stock until the dust settles anyway, so you're probably not getting the correct answer to begin with, and furthermore, there's not a chance in hell that we're going to traipse across the store to find out, nor are we going to hold whatever you ask for anyway. Save your minutes, either let the dream die, or show up like everyone else.

5. Don't touch me.  I mean really, just don't. You will get an elbow to the jaw.

6. You're going to have to wait.  The lines are long, and the team is busy. Deal with it.

7. Once the doorbusters are gone, they're gone.  Sure, we're going to tell you that we have a truck coming on Saturday morning and there's a chance that we'll get more back in just to get you out of our hair. Here's an insider tip for you: I've been to this party seven times - it's never happened, it's never going to happen. Sorry about your luck.

8. It's not the day for a tutorial.  You'd be surprised just how many times people will come up in the midst of the most chaotic few hours of the year, park themselves in front of me clutching a doorbuster camera/tv/other random electronic item, sigh with labored irritation and demand that I tell them everything that they need to know about this product. "Sigh. I don't know anything about digital cameras, can you tell me about them?" Any of the other 364 days of the year, I'd be more than happy to explain to you how cameras work. But there are punches being thrown behind you and a line of impatient, exhausted, drunks in front of you. Keep it moving and look it up online, or come back next week.

9. You get what you pay for.  There's a reason that you don't see that giant tv that you paid like ten dollars for on the wall with the tvs that we carry all year. It's because we get them in for the sole purpose of this two day event and will never see them again. Until a month from now when you haul your broken one back in and you're SOL because we can't replace it. Just saying.

10. Don't hand me your list and tell me to find you "any of this."  This happens every day of the holiday shopping season, and unless you're a sweet old lady, is completely lazy and rude.

11. The rules exist for a reason. Did you see that line outside? Yeah, that means that we have to try and make that many people happy in span of about two hours until things calm to a dull roar. So when we say there's a limit on purchasing, we mean it. And stop telling me that you have twins, triplets, are the octomom. I see you here all the time, and you've never been hauling anything but a latte and an iPhone, and even if you are straight out of an epsiode of 18 Kids and Counting, you're not getting more than one tv/camera/whatever.

12. We're people, not robots. People lose their shit during these sales. I mean really. So if we have go to get you something from the back room and it seems to take forever - that's because the back room is like a damn day spa while the war rages outside of the swing doors. It's quiet, nearly empty, cool. So while someone is pretending to look for that last tv, we take full advantage of a few moments to breathe, cry, sneak off for a drink of water, or to pee. A couple of years ago, some woman bitched me out because I wouldn't give her a deep discount on a video game that wasn't even on sale, even after the manager next to me shut her down twice. It was near the end of my shift and I was tired both physically and emotionally, and her rage fest was almost enough to push me over the edge. The man who was waiting patiently behind her until she stomped off in a huff, had been paying rapt attention the entire time. I started to ring up his purchases, and he stopped handing me things until I looked up at him - when he smiled sympathetically and said "Hey, just so you know, you're doing a really good job." It made my whole holiday season better. Seriously.


So as you head out tonight in a tryptophan and wine haze and stumble into a herd with the rest of the crazed shoppers clutching your ads and your coffee, take a minute to remember that people have been working around the clock for weeks to make sure you have the best chance of getting the items that you want. But once the floodgates open, our resources are limited and there's only so much that we can do. Being rude, pushy, and aggressive isn't going to change anything, and isn't going to help your case if there's any sort of negotiating to be had. Be nice to us, and we'll be nice to you. Isn't that some sort of golden rule or something?

Day 2 of 6.

Dear lady who came in and threw a fit because our clearance prices do not match the other stores in the areas clearance prices. When I told you we have no control over when our clearance marks down, I meant it. It's all done by new fangled computer machines, and is all dictated by a hundred different variables that trigger it. So getting all huffy and then complaining that you "have to put all of this stuff back...and I can't say I'm going to put it back in the right spot!" really isn't going to change things. Gah!

Also coworker who stabbed me in the back got her first lesson in payback today! I left her a list this morning of things to do, not unlike the things that I have to keep on top of on a daily basis, and when I came in none of it was completed. To quote Matt Nathanson "I'll learn to get by on the little victories." Sweet success.

Up at five am for day 3! Wish me luck!

Six 8 hour days of retail will make anyone go crazy.

True fact. So follow me as I take this journey through retail hell. Not journey like the band Journey, although once a month when I have to do the five am shift from hell, there are often Don't Stop Believin' singalongs in the back room. Weird things happen in the back room of your local stores. Trust me.

That said, last night was my first night of this long stretch of craziness and can I just say, crazy it was. The day before fathers day is always crazy busy and yesterday was no exception. Throw in a back stabbing co worker, and incredibly hot and suddenly flirty boss type, and a totally revamped by corporate closing system and we all left with headaches and complaints.

Let's not forget "guy who has bought four Xboxes in two days and brings them back because there's something wrong with them." Right. So why then, when someone pops one of the Xboxes open in front of you to see if it's been tampered with do you leave with your new one, and then call ten minutes later and ask if you can bring the new one back and take the old one? We're a bunch of college kids and techies with access to tools and the interwebs. Of COURSE we're going to check it out.

Duuuh. Look for the update on day 2 later today!

Intoxication

Sorry kids, I can honestly say this isn't gonna be a drunk blog. It is, however, a fatigue blog. I am sitting here typing to you a day after having an 18 hour work day 4.5 hours sleep then another 8 hour work day and then a voyage to Atlantic City for shopping and eating and I drove down there and back (it's about 45 mins). I know there have been all kinds of studies about how driving tired is as bad as driving drunk and because I am an insane night owl and have spent many a nights going up and down the NJ Turnpike, I always poo poo'd stuff like that. It had never been an issue for me...til tonight. Not only driving but straight up functioning has been an issue for the later half of the day for me. I feel like I'm seeing things and my perception is off and all. I think I'm realizing what it comes down to is really the fact that I am not only sleep deprived but I'm emotionally drained.

This job I have...the day job that really only pays the bills, it's been sucking me dry lately. There once was a time when although I knew this wasn't what I wanted to do with my life, I enjoyed it. I worked with a group of amazing people and it was actually kinda fun to go there. Now, I work from home and though there are some benefits to that, it is starting to get more on the sucky side because I'm a person who craves social interaction. Anyways, I digress. Last week, there was an issue where someone at work called me out and questioned my quality of work. Yeah, so it rocked me cause although I hate this work, I know I do it damn well...like better than many of the people I deal with on a daily basis good. There's proof of it and the person calling me out has seen the proof of it. Then, last night I get called just as I was to go out for the night and it ended up being 10 hours straight of this very thing that has been draining me more and more as of late. And I'm just tired...physically, emotionally and what ever other -ly you can think of that fits.

I think a chunk of it has to do with the fact that I'm not feeling fulfilled in the thought that I'm pursuing my other goals the way I should be. Since the "break-up" with the band over a year ago, it's been a long road to trying to stay motivated. I know my motivation comes and goes sometimes but this is getting ridiculous. I need ideas...so, like Maggie, I too, am experiencing a bit of a block. (Yeah, complete with things to distract me horribly. There WILL be a blog about the latest StarKrush and the TV show he's on)

That said, Maggie, yes, we need to get at this. Even if it means we need to sit down...get on the phone and just hash shit out. Ideas for both of us cause we're better than this.

Couple of things.

My Matt Nathanson obsession is officially out of control again. I blame the Deep Rock Drive show from last night which kept me up way too late on a night that after I'd been up since four am. Bottom line is this. He's adorable, disgustingly talented, and hilarious. So I give to you just one of the many awesome songs he did last night - Detroit Waves. I only recently came to realize how much I love this song, and I'm so used to the versions with Kids in America thrown in there that I try to add it to the album version when I listen to it now. Loooove.



In other news...there is no other news. Things at work are okay and boring and frustrating and kind of awesome all at the same time. Relationships and friendships are teetering on the edge of failing, growing stronger, etc. I have an out of control crush on someone which is always a nice way to pass the time. At the same time, I recently came to terms with the fact that my one shimmering moment of maturity and selflessness late last year, when I hugged someone goodbye and wished him luck and told him I just wanted him to do whatever made him happy, even if it included moving states away - was a complete and utter lie. I dealt with the heartbreak of it all then, and I moved on fairly easily, but I think that I'm about to go through it all over again and I have no damn idea why.

On the creative front?

....

Yeah.

Nikki and I need to have a brainstorming fest and help get the creative juices flowing, because I've still got nothing! And nothing is more frustrating to me than that. Grrr.

So, this is what the past four days of my life has looked like. Tissues, cold medicine, supplements, Tylenol, gallons of water, cough drops, my remote control and my Zune have been my life support since Sunday night.

I zipped through the weekend at work. I even had a freakishly high level of energy going despite working the 5 am shift of doom, which should have been my first clue that something was wrong. By Sunday night my throat was starting to tickle a bit. I downed an Airborne, went to bed, and woke up with a full on burn in my throat. I promptly canceled my dinner plans, and by Monday night was in full on fever, runny nose, sore throat, passed out on the couch, oh my God shoot me now I'm never going to recover from this sick.

By five am Tuesday morning I was on the phone with someone at work sniffling and coughing and saying that I would not be coming in. (His advice? Drink lots of beer and smoke lots of weed. Thanks, Brian!) I rarely call out of work. In fact, the last time I missed work was when they sent me home when I had strep and was running an insaneo fever that had me dangerously close to passing out. (When HR doesn't think you're okay to drive, it's really time to pack it in.)

So, since then I've been in my bed watching Buffy on dvd (I think I've logged something like 13 episodes in the past few days), listening to lots of music, took a lot of cold showers, and survived on nothing but drugs and popsicles. (Seriously, the number 1 sign that I'm really sick is my intense need for popsicles. I've been through a box and a half, and I will not under any circumstances eat them any other time.)

Today is the first day I've actually been up and mobile, although only for few hours at a time, then I'm back to bed. Despite all this, I'm taking my ass back to work tomorrow night. The fever is finally gone (I hope.), I can taste things again (sorta), my chest still feels heavy, I can't stop coughing and I still kind of feel like I got hit by a car, but its alright. The other sign that I know I'm starting to feel better is that I have this intense need to scrub my room from top to bottom. Wash the sheets, vacuum the floor, disinfect everything I've laid my hands on in the past few days.

All in all, I think I'm gonna live!